I Get It

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I think I get this "love" thing and all the confusion it causes. Andrew Loog Oldham posted a photo today on Instagram, so he's probably still alive somewhere although the photo is of a man walking alone in a beautiful forest on a wooden crosswalk. Soon we will all cross over -- in the meantime I'm grateful to Andrew for what he did at TRU six years ago even though much of it went right over my head. I understand what happened long ago between my family and Mick when I was a little girl, too little to know what was going on around me. Messing up every step of the way. When Mick used to say "I love you just the way you are" I was insulted. He could be so condescending. But then I suppose he had every right to pay me back for rejecting him so many years ago, and finally forgetting I even knew him. We were in a competition and I was the winner of the rejection contest - But then, I was set up to fail, time and again. First by being too small and later too big. Too shy, too loud. Too smart, too dumb. Never just right. Put on a plane at age 12 in dirty track clothes to attend a special party in London with 20 year olds. Tricked into a trip to New York after a bad perm to meet Mick in a hotel room 12 years after the last time at my house in 1965. Induced to jump on a plane and go look for him in thr Caribbean the same week Jerry kicked him out. Traveling under two names, one of which he probably recognized as the girl he was supposed to marry in 1971. Wounded pride, hurt feelings, crossed wires, old resentments hidden in songs I often didnt listen to, or videos I never saw. The diary of my life as a missing person.

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